Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
