I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
