Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
