A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
