quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
