Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
