Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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