I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
