I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
