obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize