16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
