i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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