why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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