FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
