wakey wakey hands off snakey
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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