matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
