it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
