i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
