but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
