she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
