Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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