that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't notice because vodka
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
