Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
