tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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