nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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