Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
