Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
