Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
