I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We are all done wearing pants today
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
