i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
