You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
