fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
