i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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