I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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