Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
