Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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