Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
