Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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