Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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