When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
