i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
