Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
