I think I am morally bankrupt
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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