I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize