real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
