left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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