My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
