Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
