You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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