i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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