**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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