I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
