Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
