you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
