my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
