Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
honey bunches of taint.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
