I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Someone signed my nipple.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
