drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
