Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There r osticjed everywhere
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
