I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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