your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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