the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize