So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
