I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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