I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
