my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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