Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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