I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
