I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize