I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
