Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
