I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
