I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
