I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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