There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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