did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
