i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm passing your future prison.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
