if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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