probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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