omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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