absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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