i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we're making bets on your personal life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
