wat bout pragnant strippers??
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
