ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
