I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
