He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
where are you?
Hypothermia
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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