I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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