I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
